Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
