Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
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