i was born a porn star she said
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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