I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Randomize
