Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Randomize
