Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Randomize
