i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Randomize
