Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
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