Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
I checked into jail on foursquare
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
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