Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
My friends, they love my intelligence
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
