No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
