woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
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