I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
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