this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
