my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Randomize
