I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
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