put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
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