i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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