I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Randomize
