i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Randomize
