I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
