all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
