Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
