I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
