Your face is a jimmy john
4 words: hood of his car
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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