My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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