I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
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