Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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