He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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