I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
