forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
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