he wants to bone in the snuggie
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
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