Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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