like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Randomize
