can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
