i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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