sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
We are all done wearing pants today
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
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