I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
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