you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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