i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
it was like eating out sand paper
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
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