i wish starbucks made bloody marys
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
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