I just pynch a tree in the face
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
