i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
