Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
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