nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Randomize
