we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I need a hoe opinion
go on
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
