I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize