I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
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