she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
I am mentally ready for anal.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
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