Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
YAS. BRING CRAB.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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