i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
