True but thats because hes a fetus.
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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