I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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