my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize
