It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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