how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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