Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
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