apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Randomize
