somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Randomize
