oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
